


I’m (NOT) sorry that I fell in love tonight

by doctorherondalestark



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Letter, Multi, No Dialogue, You Have Been Warned, love letter, mentions of characters only, unbetad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:46:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6485191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorherondalestark/pseuds/doctorherondalestark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i></i><br/>a letter from Lydia to Stiles</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m (NOT) sorry that I fell in love tonight

You used to worship the very ground I walk on. You see me when I never even spared a glance at you. I became someone I'm not. I hid because I was a coward. I was stupid, vain, and narcissistic. You used to be everything I didn't look for. Funny how things change. Now, you have become practically everything to me because if you leave or if you die, I would literally go out of my freaking mind. I get it now. I never thought that I would ever feel the same way towards you. 

You waited for me more than anybody else ever had. You waited for me even though I clearly did not want you to. For years, you stayed. For years, you watched me fall in and out of love with other people; and still you stayed.

Somewhere along our chaotic lives, we grew closer. I became more than just a plan to you and we became friends. We became best friends. Being around you became second nature to me. It was as if we knew each other our whole lives. It felt exhilarating. When I kissed you in that locker room and literally took your breath away, I didn't know how to feel. You called me smart; a compliment that hardly any guy had given me in the past until you came along. We never talked about it again and I wish we had.

People thought me to be crazy- the town lunatic- but not you, well you probably did( Nut job, was it?); but you always believed in me. You believed that I was more than just a psychic. You kept saying I was something until I believed in it as well until we learned what I really was. 

Time went by and I held on to you as much as I could but never for too long. I was afraid of the feeling you gave me and still give me every single time you look at me with those wide and curious eyes of yours. 

And then you died. Well, not really but you were dead for hours; it felt like years. It was then that we learned of that so called emotional tether. I saw your eyes wander over me before we were paired up and it was a wonder how our friends did not feel my heart beat faster and louder. 

The days came by and as if all those moments with you never happened. We still acted like before but we became, without a doubt, closer. I felt comfortable with you. I enjoyed bickering with you and that is something I would never get tired of. I daresay we acted like a married couple.

We were the ones who figured things out. Doing research and finding out things was we did. It's ironic how we always figure things out but when it comes to us, we almost have no clue.

You always believed in me and you never always remind me that. I was sprawled in your bed and I felt utterly comfortable. You fixed your board that I might have mocked and then you saw how distraught I was. My heart fluttered and I knew then that I could not run away from it anymore. I looked away because I was afraid that you would see how the way I look at you is the same on how I look at the universe.

You went missing and I felt useless when I led the others to an empty madhouse basement. I knew you were there. Your best friend's parents found you in a cave in the preserve and then just like that, you were being suspected to have the very illness that took your mother's life.

I felt your pain and so I screamed. 

Then the nogitsune took you from me; from us; from your family; from your pack. We dug deep and found you but he took me. I could not look at him in the eyes; not when he shared yours; not when I see the void in the whiskey-colored eyes that I fell in love with.

I didn't want all of you to come but all of you did. I knew she was going to die. I knew that my best friend was going to fall that night. We ran but you faltered and I stayed with you. I screamed the name of my best friend as I clung to you as if my life depended on it. Know that I never blamed you nor will I ever blame you.

We defeated the devil as we held each other. You passed out and when you opened your eyes and lightened up the mood, as you do, I felt the weight in my heart lighten. Not a moment later, pain and darkness filled my guts and that's when I knew. The boy who distracted me from you was being held by his brother as he was bleeding to death. I did not love him but still he was my friend. And you understood that as you held me in your arms regardless of you being still weak and tired. 

Once again, we never seemed to acknowledge it just like we all seemed to have grieved the deaths of our friends by ourselves. 

Then just like that, Malia came into your life. You helped her and then you became together. It was hard but it was probably for the best. You don't deserve a girl like me. The friendship that we built started crumbling and I was left all alone again. I was happy for you but it killed me inside.

Mexico, the Dead pool, and Kate happened. Our friendship was still there but it was barely standing. It was there but not really. I needed another distraction. I helped an older guy find out who and what he really is.

We both had our thing and our interactions became less and less but not less intimate. 

We got captured in Eichen House and was nearly killed by an orderly. You told to listen to your voice but it was hard to drown out the voice of my grandmother who heard the same voices that I do. We escaped and we got out alive with help. 

Things came by practically the same way as before and then it was Senior Year. 

Something changed but it still felt the same. 

You had your own problems, I had mine. Then all of a sudden, I became catatonic. 

I heard you, you know? I heard you twice: Once in the hospital and once in Eichen House. I wanted to wake up but I can't. I fought so hard but I couldn't. I woke but you were gone and they started drilling a hole into my head. I tried to escape but I only got so far.

The next thing I remember, you were there. I begged you leave. I begged you with all the strength I could muster. You did and then you came back.

You have no idea how relieved I was to see you running up to me. I nearly gave in but I heard your voice, and for a moment hope came over me. You came back and that's what matters. 

You could have died because of my screams but you continued to hold and comfort me. One last time, I screamed so loud and instead of falling back from me, you covered me with your body. I felt like I have died and only woke up when I heard you beg me to open my eyes, and so I did. My pack saved me. You saved. I never felt more loved and cared for. It was the first time in a long time that I had not felt so alone. 

Sitting in the Sheriff's station with you had me anxious. I knew that our talk was long overdue. I woke you up with the full intention of talking, instead it became awkward. You must have known how I felt but I didn't know if you still felt the same.

When you held my hand and anchored me, my heart started beating fast. You gave me comfort that I always knew you would give me without a doubt. 

We defeated the bad guy with Allison's help. It's funny how even in death, she continues to save us. 

Now, all I hear are voices. You're gone and you might not remember me when we find you. I guess that what I really want to say is, I didn't mean to fall in love with you but I'm glad that I did. I would never have guessed that it would be you but you are the one. It's you. It was always you.

Whether this changes everything even your feeling for me, I will always truly love you from everything that I am. I won't hide it anymore because it's the truth and it has no reason to be locked up. I love you. I love you. I love you. 


End file.
